Equuality: Reflections on Life with Horses

The Power of Relationship

The most powerful agent of growth and transformation is something much more basic than any technique: a change of heart. -John Welwood

When we think about our lives, we primarily consider the tangible, material things: what job we are doing, where we live, what our home is like, the style of our furniture, the food we eat, the car we drive, etc. I think that this modality of evaluating our lives actually misses the most important thing in our lives: our relationships.

Relationships give form, meaning, and purpose, to all of the "things" in our life. Our home is only as warm as those we invite inside. Our meals are only as delicious as the company we share them with. Our jobs are only as fulfilling as the experience of collaborating with out co-workers. The places we drive are only as exciting as the partners we experience them with. Without the synergy of energy that exists when we share our experiences with another, the texture of life becomes flat, it's colors fading to grey.

A magical quality exists in the fact that the relationships we need in order to fully experience life can be shared not only from person to person, but also across the species gap. The old adage says, "Dog is man's best friend," but the ability to form fulfilling bonds extends not just to canines, but to many other members of the animal kingdom as well. Many of us share a fullness of relationship with our horses that extends beyond the ability of language to describe. These relationships are as individual as snowflakes, and while they may or may not have the same qualities as our human relationships, but they certainly share the same depth of connection.

For a long time, I was unsure that the power of the relationships was reciprocal. I knew that I was getting a lot out of my equine relationships, but I always wondered if the horses cared either way. Part of me was pretty sure that they could take it or leave it – that if I were to stop showing up tomorrow, they wouldn't really be effected. Then I performed my year of service to a rescue, and found out the truth is much different.

The rescue where I volunteered was, physically speaking, a safe place for horses. There were big paddocks where the horses could live in herds and had enough room to run and stretch their legs. They all had vet exams when they arrived, and periodic grooming, vaccinations, and other care. They were fed amply with food that was mostly very high quality. Many of the oldest horses were blanketed in the colder months.

Nearly every horse arrived having experienced some shade of neglect. Most were not too bad, just thin and wormy. Some, like Winston the Percheron, were worse. He arrived 1100lbs underweight, barely half of what he should have weighed. Many of them arrived as very nervous animals. As they began getting some low-stress work from us, they gained confidence and then gained weight in direct proportion.

Initially it was only Kali and I, so we focused our energy on getting some basic but important things done: helping the horses to be approachable, showing them that haltering and leading were not scary, giving them just enough handling that they could be seen by the vet and farrier without being sedated. Once we established these basics, we had to move on to the next horses in need, so we didn't get the chance to form much depth of relationship. We did see some lasting positive changes in their attitudes, but nothing beyond that.

The real transformations started happening as we recruited additional volunteers to form our Horse Partners program. In this program, we paired one human with one horse to form a partnership with the sole goal of helping the horse learn to be a happy, fully acclimated member of the horse/human world. We intentionally used words like "partnership" instead of training for two reasons: first, because many of our volunteers had little or no horse experience, and second, because it is our belief that through quality relationships, we can teach far more effectively than through mere training exercises. Where main stream training focuses only on the body, working through relationship fosters holistic learning that nurtures the mind, body, and soul.

We had about five people in our first group of volunteer Partners. Only one had much horse experience, and she was very open to trying new ways of relating to horses, which was a blessing for us. We didn't partner the volunteers with the easiest horses, but rather paired them with horses who we thought would have complimentary dispositions. In fact, a couple of the horses had quite challenging fear issues. However, we believed that if we put the focus on creating a strong bond, everything else would follow naturally.

The miracles began almost immediately. Within two weeks of having assigned the partnerships, a mere three or four sessions with their humans, all of the horses gained weight, had healthier looking coats, and were much more social with visitors, staff, and their herd-mates. All of the horses had been at the rescue for a least a year, and the changes that occurred in those two weeks of partnership were more dramatic than everything that had happened since their arrival.

To my mind, three or four days together should not have been enough to form the depth of relationship that would facilitate such dramatic change. But there it was happening, right before my eyes. I began to understand that it wasn't the duration that mattered, so much as intention. I believe that the horses felt the commitment that their partners were making from the very first day. This was a relationship that they felt they could count on, so they opened themselves to the connection and in doing so opened themselves to greater mental and physical health.

The transformations continued in the weeks that followed. Though the initial changes were the most dramatic, those that occurred as the relationships deepened were no less profound. It was not only the horses who were changing, but their partners as well. The volunteers were gaining confidence, awareness, and strength. They were coming to believe in themselves and their abilities. Within a few months, humans with no formal training and thrown-away horses were performing at a level that professionals strive to attain.

I have seen this pattern occur repeatedly in my work with people and horses. It has become so common that I think I often take it for granted. Having put my faith in the transformational power of relationship, I sometimes forget that many people do not yet think about their work with horses in this way. When I realize this, it can become disheartening. But then I remind myself of that first experience of fostering growth through relationship with the horses and their partners at the rescue, and I am heartened again. I know that all around me, we as a species are waking up to the power of relationship in our lives, and every day the world is a brighter place because of that energy.